SELF-PORTRAIT I
Where does a life begin?
When does a life end?
Certainly not with birth
Definitely not with death
Some lives never begin
Others…never end
Joy
Love
Both
Belong to the living
He sipped the cognac
I, in turn
Slowly ran the snifter back and forth under my nose
Knowing life
Inhaling life
How were we to know?
Then
As we spoke in whispers
In the dark
His life was close to over
And mine
I
Against all odds
Lived
Walked away
And, am still here today
The Coast Guard bugged me to no end
Then called my Mum
And bugged her
“I guy pulled a knife on him on board ship
And he won’t press charges”
Wasn’t the first time
Wasn’t the last
Never was afraid
Never was alone
Predators can smell fear
And if there is no fear
It gives them pause
Big time
Maybe I was just lucky
Despite having been here a while
I know very little
What I do know
Is the people who are supposed to know
Who say they know
Do not know
I do not know what love is
I know it when I see it
I know it when I feel it
But do not ask me to describe it
I think it may have something to do with the not so invisible cords
That binds us all together
Death
Departure
After having seen it a couple times
It is unmistakable
Happens well before the last breath is drawn
The oldest sound in the world
Then stillness
Emptiness
The first thing I saw was the top of his head
Brown hair
A little later
They say I cut the cord
I do not remember this…but, it feels this way
In our relationship
That is how it feels
If that makes sense to you
Hark, laughter from downstairs
The fire is warm
Spring they say
Is right around the corner
Have you ever worked mink oil into leather?
Been on a lake alone for three days
Catching salmon
And, then be sad when someone shows up?
But how could they know
I had not been alone
Gently shaking the coals I smile
Then look up and out on the winter landscape
I stand transfixed
As I watch the shadows and light
Dancing across the snow