THE LONG WAY HOME

Excuse me!
I guess I had always suspected something like this
But, now that I was being told I was really struggling
Can you repeat that please?
“Your life is not playing out in real time,
There is a delay”
Her voice is flat and unemotional.
I watch the features of her face as she speaks
She keeps her gaze down for the most part,
Only lifting her eyes occasionally to meet mine
Keep me honest
How much of a delay?
“That is not really a relevant question
We are not comparing apples to apples
If I told you how long the delay was in your time
You would only become confused
How long is unimportant, but there is more
And the more is important.”
She looks up this time holding my eyes
When there is an event
It is not in this time and place
But it is yours
And only yours
It is solely your event
And you react”
I was beginning to sense where she was heading and remained silent
She looks up and again holds my eyes
“The you in this time and place is a temporal being.
But, you are not a temporal being in reality”
It was my turn to speak
This is not reality?
“Yes and no,
It is very much reality now.
But, being temporal one day it will end
And as soon as that happens
It will be like a yesterday
A distant distorted memory
Not factual and not real
Really…nothing at all”
It was again my turn
And the “more” that is important?
“When an event happens you interpret the event and react again here
Your interpretation influences the consequences of the event
Essentially influencing your well being in this temporal reality
And the really important part...
Your performance
That is…
Your well being, thoughts, actions and non-actions within this temporal reality
Become part of you – forever – in real time.”

The memory of that conversation still exists in one of the inner most rooms of my mind
It is like lifting your head from the sun splashed pillow and sitting up in bed on a spring morning
Feeling drugged
Knowing you were very far away
Sitting – remaining still - reveling in the silence
Reveling in the memory
That sits just beyond your fingertips
Drifting ever so slowly away, just as the sun…ever so slowly lifts into the sky

I slowly and gently lift her dress up over her head
Nothing but radiant warm flesh underneath
My head slowly drops between her breasts
Ever so softly placing a kiss
Feeling my hands fall beneath her lower back
From a distance, I can feel her arms around my neck…
Feel her lips in my ear… vaguely aware of her soft whispers
And then nothing…nothing but sun, light and emptiness

Where we once were, we were never.